Healing from serious illness is a journey. Actually, healing from the treatment of serious illness is probably more accurate. I wasn’t yet aware of the serious illness until it was detected on a routine test so my healing is more from the havoc the treatment wrought on my body getting rid of it than the actual illness. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for modern medicine and the fact that only a few months later I can say it is gone from my body but nonetheless, it is a journey.

In order to get through treatment for anything, one needs to negotiate with oneself. There were times I needed to detach myself from what was being done to my body. It was necessary to leave pieces of myself aside in order to get from one day to the next. Pieces of my modesty. Pieces of my dignity. Pieces of my sanity. Not to mention pieces of my anatomy. Although being in the healing stage is wonderful, the struggle is not over. I feel older than I did six months ago. More fragile. Weaker. Some days it’s a push, other days a breeze. And yet. And yet. I signed up for this. This was the price I was willing to pay to get rid of the intruder invading my body. What is most relevant to me now is that in the healing process, some pieces of me are returning home.

It is a boon to live close to nature and feel the healing that comes from the earth. There are days when a long walk is all that is needed for pieces of my sanity to return to me. To be free of doctor’s appointments and regular medications. To come home to our slower mornings, brewing coffee, sharing the news of the day, the time our own again. My dignity is returning from the place I tucked it away while I underwent treatment. Not having to undress for examinations, the poking and prodding, just wanting my body to be untouched by anyone but me or whom I decide can. It’s as though pieces of my inner self had flown away while I dealt with the issue at hand. And now they are coming home.

The feeling of coming home has always been one of excitement for me whether I was coming home myself or waiting for loved ones to arrive. Right now there is anticipation and happiness as I wait for those who have lived far away to return home and for those who have stayed close to grow even closer. Pieces of my heart coming back to me as I emerge from the cocoon I have been living in the past few months. I am grateful for my family who have not allowed my missing pieces to define me but rather have held me together when I have not been able to do so myself. To have had a strong and loving caretaker who did it all despite his own fear and fatigue was a blessing many do not have.

If you are at a point like this in your life, I send you healing energy and hope that your days will get better all the time. Yesterday I picked apples from our tree, those beautiful, plump, sweet globes of red and green. I hovered under the scents and shade of that gorgeous bounty and I felt a huge part of my soul take a deep sigh of relief. With my feet on the ground, slowly peeling away the layers of my newly remerging self, feeling the energy swirling around me, I breathe deep and give thanks. And I know I’ve come home.