One year ago this month I embarked on a most arduous journey. At the time, I thought I could handle it because I had been there before, fending off an unwanted intruder in my body and in my life but it was much harder than expected. Healing is not linear. It’s fraught with battles and roadblocks and setbacks, both internal and external. It’s a long and winding road. It’s one step up and two steps back. I have been one of the fortunate ones. But it is not over. I must revisit this every three months with tests and doctor visits. I live with the aftereffects daily. I work hard to come to terms with it all even on those days when I am exhausted from the fight. For all of the beauty and strength of the human body, it is incredibly fragile. It makes one reflect. What have I achieved in this life and what am I most proud of? What and who am I most grateful for?

I am grateful for the person who has stood by me for forty-one years despite my prickly ways. I am grateful for my children, their partners, my grandchild. I am proud of who they are and all of the support and love they give me. I am grateful for my extended family, the friends I have made, the chances I’ve taken, and the words I have written. For modern medicine. I have so much gratitude for everything, for the things I have read and seen and experienced. But here’s what I’ve learned about gratitude. It’s a living thing. Words can express it but actions embody it.

In my foray into fiction writing (you can read an excerpt of my debut novel here ), a common thread in all of the books on the craft of writing is to “show, don’t tell”. Make your reader feel the sweat dripping down the character’s back, freeze in fear like they do, inhale the fresh breeze wafting off the ocean. It can be complex to write but when it all comes together the text comes alive. The reader becomes immersed in the story. I know it when I read it but again, it can take some time to get there as a writer. I feel the same way about gratitude. And appreciation and love. We need to find ways to show it and not just tell.

Here’s the other thing I’ve learned about gratitude. We all need it. We all need to be shown it for the thousand and one big and little things we do for our loved ones and even those we may not love. In my earlier years in the workforce, I found that what I and my fellow employees craved most was recognition and appreciation from our employers. It was the most talked about thing, especially after a big project or a team success. But even for the day-to-day work. Such a simple thing. And yet given so sparingly. Humans crave this. We crave validation. We crave not being taken for granted. And the recognition, the love, the gratitude is best when we least expect it.

Just a couple of weeks ago we celebrated Twelfth Night, the last night of the Christmas season. In some religions Twelfth Night is the eve of the Epiphany, the day the three wise men reached their destination. The new year slipped in during that time and suddenly I am writing 2024 in my journal entries. When did that happen? I am grateful for another spin around the sun despite the highs and lows. That is life, after all. When I was younger, the year 2024 was only possible in science fiction books. Heck, 1984 was hard to imagine! And yet here we are.

I’ve decided to make 2024 the year that I show more. More gratitude, more appreciation, more understanding, more empathy. But it is a two way, give and take street. And certainly I know that I need to reserve as much of my strength as I can to continue my fight to good health so I do realize that I cannot give without taking. Life is a balance and I am focused on leveling the scales. My gratitude to all of you who lifted me during my health challenge and those who continue to read my writing. Your support is immeasurable and I thank you all. I hope I will get the chance to show you soon. Namaste.